i'm dying from fatigue. accumulated ones. 8:34:00 PM

lol. damn funny. 2:12:00 PM

saw someone who resembles u today..

Labels: busy, love, sad, tired

1:34:00 AM

heh.. in the end i nv sleep. 6:27:00 AM

had been chionging work since 1am. 4:10:00 AM

sleepless night.
thanks to presentation and assignments.

still lotsa things nt done.
hope i dun faint later.
will need lotsa coffee i suppose. -.-

skipped aca just to chiong all this crap.
later still have choir rehearsal at boonlay cc.

have got eucd and cdd to chiong.
wish me luck!

Labels: busy, life, school, tired

4:51:00 AM

this is a busy week.

Labels: busy, school, tired

2:09:00 AM

and you have the time to change your dp as well..
i guess i could finally understand.

actually i understand right from the beginning.
but i just wanna live in self-denial..

very soon.. the period of time we broke up will be longer than the period of time we got together.

Labels: life, love, sad

10:16:00 PM

anyway, don't think because i don't have twitter means you can scold wadeva u want over there.
you expect some initiativeness right?
then you jolly well know when to shut up and when to talk.
and think before you talk or suggest anything.
don't give crap stuffs especially when u are a leader.
show that u are using ur brain to think for goodness sake.

9:59:00 PM

you've got the time to change your pm.
but you have none to reply my msg to you on msn.

it's not that i dunno you dun wanna talk.
it's just me being dumb.

thinking that some day u would at least reply me as a friend.
as my ex.

i guessed you aren't so open about it after all.
and you lied about your preference of being frens still after breakup.
9:53:00 PM

Labels: empty, life, love, sad

7:40:00 PM

Tamia - Officially Missing You
Rihanna - Take a Bow
Miley Cyrus & Jonas Brothers - Before the Storm
Colbie Caillat - Out of my Mind
Evonne Hse & Liu Geng Hong - Xin Dong Xin Tong
F.I.R. - Juan Lian and Ba Ai Fang Kai
Landy - Sha Gua
Jordin Sparks - Was I the Only One
Liang Wen Yin - Ke Yi Bu Ai Le and Wo Bu Shi Ni Xiang Xiang Na Me Yong Gan
Rainie Yang - Guo Min, Zai Ni Huai Li De Wei Xiao, Ni Bu Shu Yu Wo Le
Beyonce - Broken-hearted Girl
Xu Ruo Xuan - Bu Ai Le
Taylor Swift- Breathe and You're Not Sorry

was thinking were you even feeling sad for initiating the break up..
are you regretting for making this decision..
did you even think of me after all these..

Labels: life, love, sad

12:55:00 AM

i feel that i'm dumb.
time and again i couldn't control myself.

i manage to hold on for a month i think.
to not talk to you.
to avoid u. to control myself from caring for u.
but i still fail to ignore it.

the heartbreak is still there.
it's still broken.
and no one can seem to mend it.

people tell me that i should hang around with people more.
i did uh.. and i tried very hard to stay happy. to enjoy.
to get involved. to not think about anything in the past.
someone even said i should get a rebound bf.
but no, i dun wan. cos i dun wanna make use of anybody.
furthermore, i wont get over it by just having a new bf.
the scar is there. so deep.

last week i cried at least 3 times.
3 friggin times.

sunday i thought of why he chose to leave me.
what have i done wrong.
what have i not done enough.
was i not a good gf.
why cant he juggle?
didn't he say he loved me and will want to maintain the r/s?
just one day before the breakup and he say he still wanna maintain it.
next day everything changed.
he just gave up like that.
can anyone explain why the sudden change?

all the memories start coming back.
place where he put on the necklace for me.
place where i always go and find him.
how we hanged around bugis.
things he said before.

even things like pocky can remind me of him.
you tell me how to live properly without you?

monday got worst when don came back.
class chose asst asst class rep and some pointed me.
guess wad he said? "she ar? half her mind in china already.."
you tell me how am i suppose to live with such a fact?
no matter how i much deny people carry on talking about it.
was sad enough on sunday night, thinking about everything.
the whole journey with you.
cried until both my eyes were puffy and swollen.
and i still went to school next day.
handling all these all on my own..
is this fair? no.

no one ever said love or life is fair.
tears ended up welling in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.
i couldn't bear with it. i couldn't control/stop it.

next i got back my pfa folio.
all the effort and motivation for tt project put in..
was partly thanks for your help.
i saw your persistance at work.
i felt that i should do the same.
especially when i'm ur gf.
that night i lost the 2 folios.
i lost the pile of work i put so much effort in it.

most of all, i lost my motivation.

i know i cant rely on u for my work.
i can't let u affect my interest in design.
i must still move on with my professionalism without u.
like how u did it w/o me.

i almost cried over my loss of folios.
bt i know i have soft copies, nt so bad.
didn't want clare and chengyi to worry when on our way home.
apparently some irritating guy pissed me off cos he kept talking abt I&E when i'm obviously nt in a very good condition to talk abt it. [and he continue to piss me off for the rest of the week, especially ytd and today, nv fail to stop pissing me off u noe.]
what i'm lucky is that chengyi manage to go back and find it for me.
they were still at SIM. god must've seen the pain i was going through.
'twas a tough day, definitely. the egg tarts he bought for me were nice too.
treated him tao-huay cos he really helped me alot despite the fact tt he stays quite far, in the east.

thurs i happen to have nothing after school.
went home early after meeting with I&E ppl.
reached house downstairs at aroun 6.15pm..
and decided that i dun feel like going up so early.
so i went to walk around my neighbourhood.
it was quiet and chilly..
i walked around aimlessly, not knowing where to go.
needed some place where i can sit and think.
but before i can even do so, i was sobbing in tears.
i don't know what to do with my life.
i'm awfully hurt. hurt by the fact that everything went wrong.
i dunno who to turn to. dunno whom i can talk to about all these.
i dun wan anyone to worry for me. anyway these arnt ordinary things tt people can understand.
i stayed strong for 2 mths plus, trying to move on with all my might. but still, i failed.
i can't approach my aunt and cry, cos i told her i know it's dumb and i'll move on.
i know.. but i can't help it.. really i cant..

i sat down at one void deck.
thinking about everything.
cried as a few people walked past me.
'what happened to this gal?' they must be thinking.
bt i just need a place to cry... where nobody can find me.

one hour later i keep myself cool,
i went home. no appetite for food.
skipped dinner and mum kept asking wad happened.
i controlled so hard and in the end i still broke down.
she asked why and i can't tell her the reason.

i know it's dumb.
i know every1 just gonna say it's dumb to cry over it.

but i'm living in my own world.
i can't accept the fact.
i chose not to believe we've broken up.
i chose to think that there's still hope.
why..? why so dumb..?

up till now i'm still crying.
i dunno wad to do.
everywhere, everything..
just reminds me of this.
i cnt stop thinking.
it's torturing.

let alone having some irritating bastard who doenst realise his problem in managing the team.
totally pissed me off. ruined my whole weekend.
if not for some awesome choir frens after rehearsal today..
maybe it wud be a bad day. thanks friends.
i know my pdi friends care for me too..
so dun worry ya.. i'll be fine..

Labels: life, love, sad

12:04:00 AM

there's so many things i wanna blog about..
but i have alot of things to do..

Labels: busy, life, sad

11:08:00 PM

apparently ytd was a bad day.
over emo stuffs. over i&e when lecturer seems to be against my grp somehow.
the only grp tt has most guys inside. 4 guys 1 gal.
we didnt win technigrp.
adobe club change practice days.
heels strap broken.
plus i'm super shag running around with a bag and lappy.

most importantly..
it's a date i don't wanna think anything more about it..

Labels: busy, life, sad, school

1:36:00 AM

at 7am waiting for bus at PIE..
recalled something in the past.

couldn't help it but start to emo.

Labels: love, sad

8:24:00 AM

today's officially the start of a brand new sem.

Labels: busy, friends, fun, sad, school

10:28:00 PM

today. woo. nice day.

Labels: busy, friends, random, school

2:49:00 AM

haha so glad to see 2 new choir members today.
intend to make FB for choir soon.
gonna make choir known. ;)
so hopefully more ppl know le = more ppl joining our family! :D

was watching a series of yu le bai fen bai cos da jie reminded me of that show.
laugh like mad for some episodes. xD

xiao zhu is so cute!!! xD
aww too bad he cnt be my bf. xD hahaha

oh i have no time for emo-ism.
too many things at hand.

was doing the chinese hanyupinyin for the newbies.
then scanning in scores was damn tedious.
i gave up halfway. played cafe world too. fun~

oh dajie took same bus as me today.
to my surprise, he and huiqi say our musical this yr nt bad.
man. can't wait to sing K on thursday.
or rather, watch ppl sing. HAHA.
more outings to come!

tml starting to work =[
kinda miss TE but kinda lazy too. lol.
need to work on journal my dear estelle. -.-

Labels: busy, random, tired

3:35:00 AM

anyway yesterday laoma asked me to work 3-8pm.
in the end i rejected. cos still have to rush back to school.
no point sacrificing choir for it la. hais.

srsly need to start on my journal soon.
ytd woke up at 10am.
ate le end up playing game. sheesh.
no mood for it at all.
and realised i needed more sketch books.
so head off to compasspoint's popular to get the stuffs.

then went to bro's place for a while.
baby yz today is more obedient. =]
fed him quite abit. he's damn cute when he opens and closes his mouth again and again. xD
left house at 7pm cos i have some tea session at CC with the grassroots leaders at 8pm.

7.30pm reached home for mum's heartwarming dinner. lol.
it tasted alright. can't comment much. haha.
rested for 5min before i head down to the cc which is just beside my house.
thank god it's near.

saw alot of aunties uncles.
was kinda. zomg. stunned. haha.
i didn't eat the stuffs there.
felt like leaving asap. but wow.
i was in a hurricane talking storm soon.
leaders started coming your way, talking to you.
sharing with you the committees they have,
asking you to join them etc etc.
some even say i stay here so long why now then volunteer to help.
lol. well, i only shift back recently? xD

there's youth group too!
which is what i'm more interested in.
benjamin the chairman is friendly.
and got to know 2 of them who stayed in same block as me.
and one from NP! it seems cool. hope can have chance to work with them soon. ;)

well more and more commitments.
but i'll survive and juggle them well.

Labels: busy, design, family, friends, work

2:05:00 PM

i've already taken my first step to forget things i wanna leave behind.
deleted the messages, turning a blind eye towards all the words.

while scrolling down to check the messages for deleting..
i realised they're just purely words.
words you use when u are happily in a relationship.
and you can get so carried away by these blinding words..

think of it.
there are people who saved your messages and cherished u though they are nt tgt with you.
but he didn't. even as someone dear to you.. he didn't.

Labels: life, thoughts

1:55:00 PM

did quite abit of admin and personal schedule planning today.
woke at 7am today to prepare for life liberation trip.
we went to near tekong there.
the crabs are notti today.
and some actually kiap my tongs and scissors when i was trying to snap them free. =.=

oh well. damn tired tat i slept on bumboat.
apparently tt's wad most ppl did. lol.

went home, eat, start admin immediately.
finally came up with 2 outing comms.
1 more coming up.
hope they keep the price low, so every1 will be able to attend all 3 activities if they can afford to.
what's important is the bonding part. ;)

after tt i planned my schedule,
listed out every activity i have.
and not to forget, i've not done anything related to design.. =[
hais. and sch is STARTING SOON. *soblets*

after dinner and shower, i head off to aunt's hse.
brought some clothes and shoes over.
then brought TE uniform and shoes back to my house for my work.
pei mummy take train then she head of to sk while i drop off at pp.
yupp, head home, plan schedule.
da jie certainly give good suggestions.
so now at least i can juggle my things well.
without feeling suffocated.
visiting aunt, work, spend time with family
and probably still gym whenever i can.
most of all, it wont affect until choir at all ;)

after tt did admin for attendance and instructors' pay and it was a big headache.
i'll leave aca one for tml. when clare sends me the info. choir's more or less settled i guess.

i dun even noe i working tml or nt.
mum's nt working. off day. hmm...
bt promised aunt to pei her if i nv work.
at night still gt some event at CC.
hais. really last 2 weeks of holidays damn busy. =[

1:12:00 AM

sia la. timetable just changed.
no more 5 hrs of CDD on same day at least. *thumbs up*
no more 3 days of 8am. *another thumbsup*

haha. just finished one whole round of cca pts submission.
for 73 people. damn tired.
tml's a long day D:

laoma asking me to go back work again.
at esplanade this time round.
new working environment.
new friends. new management.
would it be good??

Labels: busy, random, tired

3:29:00 AM

why do you always make me hate you time and again?
if only there's a song that can express my hate for you.
that kind of hate. which pains me almost everytime.

and the only reason was because i didn't wish to see things turning out that way.

you and ur ignorance.
go ahead and be a lonely ranger for all you want.

Labels: disappointed, pissed, thoughts

1:09:00 PM

hahahaha. HAPPY KIDDOS DAY!!! :D:D
everyone enjoy okays?
or should i say HAPPY GIN-NA DAY~ xD

i spent quite alot of time smsing and msning the greetings uh!
stay young at heart! ;)

bt pls dun wear tubes when u are 80 yrs old. D:

Labels: friends, happy, memories, random

12:34:00 AM